Fall Is for Roots: Healing Intergenerational Trauma as a Parent
Every September, the internet loses its collective mind over pumpkin spice. We're not judging. (A cozy latte is a fine thing ☕️) But while everyone else is admiring the leaves, we'd like to point out what's happening underneath them.
Around September 22 or 23, the fall equinox arrives, the day when daylight and darkness are nearly equal. It's a natural turning point. The light fades a little earlier, the pace of summer winds down, and many of us feel a pull to slow down and take stock.
If you're a parent, that pull may feel a little laughable. Fall usually means school schedules, activities, homework, and permission slips that surface at bedtime. But the season still offers something useful: an invitation to look at what's beneath the surface of your parenting. Not to judge it. Just to understand it.
Over the weekend, I was able to join a group of other women for an event called “Relax into Reconnection” with Everyday Intentional. During the journaling portion, I was able to reflect on myself as a human and parents. I contemplated on where I am on my parenting journey, and where I want to go next. I was able to see the growth of this past year in myself and my son. But also where I need to reconnect with my son and continue to foster a strong relationship.
What does the fall equinox have to do with healing?
In the fall, many perennial plants shift their energy from visible growth to their root systems. As days shorten and temperatures cool, they pull energy down and store it below the surface. The leaves slow down, and the important work happens where no one can see it.
Healing works in a surprisingly similar way. The most meaningful change rarely looks dramatic from the outside. It looks like pausing before you react. It looks like noticing that your tone with your child just sounded a lot like someone from your own childhood, and getting curious instead of critical. It looks like a little more steadiness on a hard Tuesday.
That quiet, underground work is what makes room for growth later. It's also how we think about therapy at Conscious Roots Counseling: processing trauma is like pulling weeds by the root so there's room for the flowers to grow. Trimming the top only gets you so far.
What is intergenerational trauma, and how does it show up in parenting?
Intergenerational trauma (also called generational trauma) describes the way painful or overwhelming experiences, and the coping patterns that grew up around them, get passed from one generation to the next. It rarely travels through one big, dramatic story. More often, it travels through everyday things: how feelings were handled at home, what was safe to say, how conflict played out, and how a child's nervous system learned to stay safe.
As a parent, it might look like:
Snapping at your child, then wondering, "Where did that come from?"
Feeling a rush of panic or shame when your kid melts down in public
Promising yourself you'd never parent the way you were parented, then hearing those exact words leave your mouth
Over-controlling, or avoiding conflict altogether, because one of those felt safest growing up
Worrying constantly that you're "messing up" your kids
Here's what we most want you to hear: none of this means you're failing. There's a reason this feels hard. Our signature message is "the past is lived in the present," and parenting is often where that becomes most obvious. Your child's behavior can press on old, tender places, and your body responds the way it learned to respond long before you had words for it.
Why is fall a good time to look at your family patterns?
Fall has a built-in rhythm for reflection. Routines are back, which makes patterns easier to spot. The holidays are on the horizon, which means family dynamics are about to get, shall we say, livelier. And the cozier pace of the season (in theory, anyway) can give you a little more room to notice what's happening inside.
A few gentle ways to start:
Collect data without fixing anything. This week, jot down two or three moments when your reaction felt bigger than the situation. No analysis required.
Get curious about the "why." Ask yourself when you first learned to react this way, and what you needed in moments like this as a kid.
Listen to your body. A tight chest, a clenched jaw, or a hot face often shows up before your thoughts do.
Offer yourself the kindness you'd offer your child. Healing isn't linear, and you're allowed to be a work in progress.
How does therapy help you work at the root?
Talking through your history can be a powerful start, and for many people it's a big part of the work. Sometimes, though, understanding something with your head doesn't change how your body reacts. (If you've ever thought, "I know this isn't a big deal, so why is my heart pounding?" you know exactly what we mean.) That's where approaches that work with the brain and nervous system come in.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps your brain reprocess distressing memories so they carry less emotional charge.
Brainspotting uses where you look to help you access and process what's held in the brain and body, often without needing to talk through every detail.
Synergetic Play Therapy supports children by treating symptoms as expressions of nervous system activation. The therapist acts as an external regulator, co-regulating the child through attunement so they can learn to feel safe within themselves.
We also work with parents through parenting collaboration and individual therapy, so the healing can happen for you and your child in the way that fits your family. Healing takes time, and we'll never promise it's easy. We will promise to go at your pace. You also don't need to figure out which approach fits before you reach out. That's our job.
Frequently asked questions
Can you break generational patterns as a parent?
Many parents do. Patterns that were learned can be unlearned, though it takes time and support. Building awareness of your triggers, strengthening nervous system regulation, and processing old experiences all help. The goal isn't perfect parenting. Repairing after hard moments matters more than never having them.
Do I need to have experienced "big" trauma to benefit from this kind of therapy?
No. Trauma isn't limited to dramatic events. It can also come from ongoing stress, emotional neglect, or environments where you didn't feel safe or understood. If patterns from your past are affecting how you parent, therapy can help, no matter how "small" your story feels.
Does Conscious Roots Counseling offer online therapy for parents?
Yes. We offer in-person sessions in Greater Cincinnati and online sessions across Ohio for children and adults.
Fall reminds us that growth doesn't always look like growth. Sometimes it looks like slowing down, going deeper, and trusting that the work happening below the surface matters. You don't have to dig up everything at once, and you don't have to do it alone. Because healing begins with understanding your roots.
Begin Healing With Conscious Roots Counseling
We specialize in trauma-informed, compassionate care for intergenerational trauma. Our therapists offer:
Online and in-person options across Ohio
A gentle, attuned approach at your pace
Tools to build safety, connection, and self-trust
If you're ready to get started, visit our therapy for intergenerational trauma page to learn more detailed information about our approach, or contact us to set up an appointment.
Written by Jenny Liu, LPCC-S
Owner and Therapist at Conscious Roots Counseling
You can email her: jenny@conscious-roots.com
